Andre Rieu

When: Mon., March 18, 7:30 p.m. 2013

Have you ever flipped through the stations when they're showing an André Rieu concert on PBS? That shit is insane. The waltz-master (read: schmaltz-master) and his gigantic orchestra have put the "light" back in light classical, playing hilariously drippy, gloppy treacle ranging from Johann Strauss II's user-friendly "Blue Danube" to over-the-top choral versions of songs like "When the Saints Go Marching In" and "What a Wonderful World." Rieu makes Lawrence Welk sound like G.G. Allin. He also has a flamboyance that you can comfortably misread as showmanship, carrying on the dubious tradition of Mantovani and Liberace. This is the musical equivalent of eating an entire canister of whipped cream, and the kind of show my (very square) grandparents wouldn't be caught dead at. Are those ruffians in Il Divo too tough for you? Rieu's got your back. NED LANNAMANN

Price: $45-139

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