Music

Bach to the Future!

An Interview with My Lover (I Wish!) Sebastian Bach

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Sebastian Bach first enjoyed mega-success as leader of Skid Row, one of the most commercially successful hair metal bands of the late '80s/early '90s. Then he spiraled into relative obscurity. Now, he's resurrected himself from the cold cinders of buttrock, creating a multi-platform career which includes starring on Broadway, touring the world with his band the Last Hard Men, and oddly enough, making regular appearances on the WB's hit show, Gilmore Girls. More importantly though, he still looks totally hot, shows up regularly in my dreams, and agreed to spend a good deal of time talking to me on the phone. Sebastian Bach, "I Remember You"!

Hi Sebastian. Um, what projects are you working on?

I'm in Raleigh, NC to revisit the roles of Jekyll and Hyde. I did the role on Broadway in 2000 and this is my fourth Broadway show. It's a great part, very rock and roll. The basic plot is Dr. Jekyll does a bunch of drugs and picks up chicks and turns into Mr. Hyde, who then kills 'em. I feel like a little kid on the playground; the bad guy playing cops and robbers. It's a lot of fun. Other than that I just put out a DVD called Forever Wild. It's got the video for "Sleep" from the Last Hard Men [Sebastian's new band, with drummer Jimmy Chamberlin, Jimmy Flemion and Kelley Deal].

So what's up with you and Skid Row? Are you guys over, like, forever?

Yeah.

It must be kind of nice though, 'cuz you get to rub your success in their facesÉ

It's not about that. Okay, maybe it is in a way... Although I'm sure they're not tuned into the Gilmore Girls. But, whatever. Basically what happened was, they presented me with material I thought sucked shit and I told them I wasn't singing it. Then they told me I was singing it and I told 'em I wasn't. I don't do things just to do them. I need an emotional connection or I can't be any fuckin' good at it. I literally cannot sing a song I don't like--it won't come out of my mouth... [A mysterious beeping comes on the line.] Hello? Hello?

Is that your other line?

I don't know. I'm in some hotel here... What the FUCK? [pause] Oh, it's call waiting... No, I'll just ignore it. Fuck it. Who cares.

What's up with your reality show, I Married Sebastian Bach?

It was the number one rated show on VH1 the day it premiered. The president of VH1 said it surprised the shit out of everyone. And I'm on the Gilmore Girls, too, and it was the same thing. It was their highest rated season premiere.

How the hell did you end up on the Gilmore Girls?

The casting director saw me on VH1's I Love the '70s, and was looking to cast a rocker, so she said, "Let's get that guy." I play a guitar player named Gil who also owns a sandwich shop. So I'm jamming with the band and I'm saying on my cell phone, "Hey Cindy, take care of the prosciutto, I told you to order extra ham," and stuff like that. It's really funny. I'm kind of like the Fonzie of 2004.

Tommy Lee recently came out with his follow-up biography to The Dirt [the Mötley Crüe bio]. Any plans for your own biography?

It's very funny you asked that because two days ago Simon and Schuster contacted VH1 Classic, who are putting out a series of rock 'n' roll biographies... [the beeping starts again] WHO THE FUCK KEEPS CALLING ME? [pause] Anyway, so they asked me about that, and I might do it. I have to figure out what direction I'm going with it because I don't want to just bum people out, you know.

Well, The Dirt was pretty much a bummer.

Yeah, but what a great book, man. It was funny. Picturing [Mötley Crüe] making love to burritos in high-heeled shoes on the side of the road so their girlfriends wouldn't smell other girls on them is something I don't believe has ever happened on this earth.

So are you home very much?

No, after the Jekyll and Hyde run ends, my band goes to Buenos Aires, Rio de Janeiro, and then two nights in Turkey for fucks sake. All I know about Turkey is from Raiders of the Lost Ark. Remember that? That chick drinking shots and then the dude's face melts... We'll probably be playing there.

Any tips for the ladies on how to keep their hair as shiny and full-bodied as yours?

Well, I can't believe I'm answering this--but Nexus Therapy is my shampoo, and Nexus Keraphix is the conditioner. So, there you go. If I ever read myself saying that in an interview, I'd fucking vomit... but I'm going to give you that one. I've used that shampoo for at least 15 years, so if people really want to fucking know...

Avril or Britney?

Britney.

Even after Kevin Federline?

Who? What is that?

Her husband.

Whose? I don't fucking know.

Wow. You didn't know Britney Spears was married?

I do vaguely, but I don't understand people's obsession with who's going out with who and who's married to who and Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore and Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez. I'm like, "WHO FUCKING CARES ABOUT THIS SHIT?" I like finding a good book and fuckin' reading it.

Okay, so who are you reading lately?

I'm reading Stephen Davis' Jim Morrison book, which is so fucking incredible. It's called Life, Death, Legend and it's full of details I didn't know about him. Before that I read this book called Travels With My Amp about this Canadian heavy metal band called Goddo, which is really hilarious--very obscure.

I hear you're into comic books.

Yes! I have thousands of comics. Specifically silver age Marvel. I have Amazing Fantasy #15: the first appearance of Spider-Man--it's worth 30 grand. I bought Hulk # 3 in Germany on tour. I have all the X-Men where they change costumes, and each one is worth thousands and thousands--I bought all those when I was little, right off the stand for 20 cents. When I was a kid, me and my friend Andrew had a tree fort and we'd go up there and put all our comics in plastic bags and keep 'em perfect. I didn't know they'd be worth anything, but man--good fucking thinking. I get the price guide and shit, and I just laugh--my wife can't believe it. One of the most valuable things I have is my comic collection.

If you were forced at gunpoint to have a three-way with two comic book characters and one had to be a man, who would they be?

I'd have to say Valkyrie from the Defenders--she was fuckin' hot. I find it somewhat weird that I get turned on by a comic book character, but anyway... Oh, I forgot, Cherry Poptart. You should pick up one of those--they're X-rated, but she's a little minx. Or Gwen Stacy, who the Green Goblin killed in Spider-Man #101 I think, or maybe #99--I can't remember the exact issue. Green Goblin threw her off a bridge--she was absolutely awesome. So that's three chicks, and then one of them has to be a man? Huh... Oh, it definitely has to be Mr. Fantastic. Reed Richards, from the Fantastic Four. He has the ability to stretch any part of his body as big, long, or wide as he wants. I'd like to see some party tricks with that fucker.

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