Clean up Your Motherfucking Dogshit

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Hey Portland dog owners! What's up with all the dogshit? I mean seriously, on a walk through my neighborhood this morning I saw countless piles of turds in the grass of peoples' front yards, on the sidewalk, and in peoples' flower and/or vegetable gardens. And we're not talking about chihuahua-scale piles of shit, we're talking rottweiler-class dookie here, full half-to-full pounders. I know what you're saying: that it's like fertilizer, or that it's all natural, or that once it rains, it will all just magically wash away. Those gardeners who carefully tend their kale plants should be glad that your dog deigned to shit next to the stuff they eat. Well, I wish I could feel that you're intentions were that noble, but here's how I think it went down: You were drinking your latte, talking on your cell phone, and pushing your Mars Rover sized baby stroller down the sidewalk while your off-leash, un-neutered great dane dropped a fucking colon load, and you didn't even notice. You carry poop bags with you, but only if some dude happens to be out front and see it all go down and has the nerve to complain. THAT'S why that guy glares at me when I walk by with my on-leash, neutered dog who I clean up after. Thanks, asshole, for all the dogshit.

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