Dear Portland 30/40-Somethings



I hope you are enjoying whoring/slacking your way through your thirties and forties (seriously?) in search of the perfect mate/job while postponing any shred of material or emotional responsibility in life.

The thing I don't get is: What is so scary about being an adult? About having kids? About liking your non-flashy job or feeling ambivalent about ironic facial hair and tattoos? Remind me why my life sucks more than your so-called "FUN" life?

I can tell you that as a married man with kids who likes my job: my chances of offing myself at my own hand are less than yours; I am getting more sex than you are and enjoying it; I won't die alone when at 56 I realize that THEORETICALLY as a man I can have kids into my 40s and 50s but that no self respecting woman of reproductive age is going to want my grizzled ass.

Same goes for you ladies.

You won't all be cute and care-free forever. In no time you'll be in a job that was fun as a 30 something but ridiculous as a 40/50 something. You know what having five roommates is called when you are 50? Assisted living.

I know you think marraige and kids passe, but who do you think is going to be paying your social security, creating relevant art, making lattes ? My kids. You are welcome.

Once your parents die and your siblings are all coupled and busy with their own families, no one will be left to give a rat's ass about you. Good thing you don't have health insurance and aren't likely to live past then anyway?

Comments (30)

Showing 1-25 of 30


Comments are closed.

Quantcast Quantcast