Death Ray Dick

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You: paranoid hypochondriac who thinks the government wants to kill you because you were a (yeah right) Punk in the 80s and you got involved in some very minor local politics. Take a note: there is no such thing as a DEATH RAY that slowly kills you and no one has it aimed at your easy chair. I tried, more than anyone, to befriend you because I love my sister and she is very stubborn and afraid of change. You are such a piece of shit, though. You tricked her into liking you while dating by pretending you were a vegan, CLASSY. I have considered telling you that I was a government agent, just to fuck with your delusional dickheadedness. You refuse to finish school even though you’ve had two classes to finish for the last TWENTY years? No student loans because your mommy and daddy paid for it all – um, if your brain weren’t so clogged with shit you would see why they hate you. But I know you’ll be calling them again soon, the next time you need money. Your daughter is awesome - she will always be family, it’s probably good that YOU PUSSED OUT when it came to raising her, too. I look forward in hopeful anticipation to the day that my sister wises up and divorces you, my whole family looks forward to it. You’re forty two fucking years old and you have an excuse for EVERYTHING. Stop being a pussy and take that promotion from your shit job to a skid mark job. Or finish school. Or die. You’re causing headaches and wasting air.

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