Good Morning, News!

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GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Just dance—if you caught up in the holy ghost trance. If you stop—I'm gonna put the killer ants in your pants. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

The defense in the Oscar Pistorius case is questioning the police investigation, claiming that it makes no sense for someone planning a premeditated murder to shoot someone through a bathroom door. I'll give them that—but on the prosecutor's side? GUN NUT. And alleged boxes of TESTOSTERONE. Oh, and SOUTH AFRICA.

If Congress goes through with sequestration, the Pentagon would be forced to put 800,000 of their employees—including teachers—on furlough.

Oh, and Congress doesn't give a single damn.

Newt Gingrich and Karl Rove are having a hilarious impotent slap fight over the future of the Republican party. (Heh, heh, hehhhhhh.)

A Georgia man with an IQ of 70 is given a last-minute stay of execution because he is mentally disabled. Hey, that never stopped Texas! YEEEEEEE-HAWWW!!

A body has been found in the Kansas City restaurant destroyed by a gas main explosion.

After being accused of hacking into some of America's biggest companies, China says, "Who? US?? Umm, we're too busy watching American porn."

Weirdly, the movie Zero Dark Thirty is not doing so well in Pakistan. (Maybe they would prefer it in 3D?)

Office Depot agrees to buy Office Max which is good, because I never knew they were two separate businesses.

Today in "being duped": Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell is fooled by a report in the military's version of The Onion, which said that Gitmo prisoners were receiving 9/11 GI Bill benefits. (WHOOPS!) Meanwhile, ultra conservative Brietbart "reporter" Ben Shapiro overhears a joke about Secretary of Defense nominee Chuck Hagel being "friends with Hamas"—and prints it as fact. (WHOOPS!)

In sports, the Suns squeak out a win over the Blazers, 102-98. Check out all the hot live blog action from last night with Blogtown's own Brian Gjurgevich!

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Sprinkles here and there today and tomorrow with lots of rain by Friday.

And finally, let's go to staff Australian meteorologist Grant Denyer who's riding in a stunt plane this morning, and doesn't look hilarious at all, when HE PASSES OUT COLD.

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