I Hope Your Dog Fucking Chokes

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17 comments

Did you get a dog so it could bark at anything and everything? I'm so tired of knocking on your door and being met by your loud-ass dog that should be out in a yard instead of your cramped-ass apartment. It hurts my god damn ears. Where I come from, we slap our dogs when they bark to cease them from barking when they shouldn't, but Portland, they're 'like people and are just trying to talk'. Spare me the horseshit. Oh, but I have found a solution. Do you know why you keep finding chicken bones in the park? On the street? Sidewalk? That's me. Three days a week I plant them and your stupid fucking dog chokes on them. I haven't been passive-aggressive about this. I have asked you to contain your dog's behavior, you have responded negatively, and I will continue to plant bones until all of your dogs fucking choke.

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