Shhhhhush!

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That voice that you use, the one that you seem to think is necessary to use when you talk to kids, well everyone else can hear it too. And it is not the voice of reason. Reason tells me that children are able to understand English without the speaker summoning their inner Muppet-Child-of-Fran Dresher voice. And most kids are not deaf. So you don't need to crank the volume on that gem either. I just heard you on your cell phone and you were semi-normal. So I know you can do it. Now you are back in character, explaining to your preschooler how to eat a burrito. It turns out that you are a real source of knowledge. I guess I should be thankful that you are willing to let others in on your seemingly endless expertise. It is so nice to have lunch with you.... ten tables away.... I love kids, this city has more than it's fair share. I guess I just want to be an asshole and say that it is the self-important Parents I get a little tired of. I hope you will read this and consider a compromise: talk however you want, Jar-Jar, but at least consider teaching your kids common courtesy by talking at a normal volume.

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