by Dan Savage
Originally published on October 4, 2007:
I am a bisexual female in a polyamorous relationship with a bisexual male. We are each other's primary. We are friends with a lesbian couple. The older member, to whom I am attracted, lets the younger member, to whom I am not attracted, have other partners. The older member is not interested in outside contacts herself. The younger member is definitely interested in me, but I spend my social time with this couple thinking about banging the older member.
I am very conflicted about how to proceed. I have a hunch the older member is attracted to me, but doesn't have the nerve to make a move. I am open to the possibility of a three-way. What is my best course of action here?
Pretty Older Ladies, Yessir!
My response after the jump...
You probably like to think of yourself as a brave sexual adventurer, POLY, seeing as you're all bi and poly and shit. And there you are socializing with intergenerational lesbian couples—man, you are living life on the edge! Pushing the antelope! Creating dynamic new relationship structures! You are bi poly woman—hear you rawr!
Sorry, POLY, but I've fried oysters with more spine. You write that the older member of the lesbian couple doesn't have the "nerve to make a move." Where's your nerve? Attracted to the older member? Tell her. Not into the younger member? Tell her. Open to the possibility of a three-way with both members? Tell 'em. The last thing the world needs is another all-talk-no-action polyamorous braggart. You're doing poly wrong, POLY, when you spend more time diagramming your sexual relationships than you do having sexual relationships.