The Worst

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Your meal and drinks cost twice what mine do and yet you insist on splitting the check down the middle. You never tip. The only time you take your elderly father out to dinner is when you have some jackass coupon or it's his birthday at some high class place where "birthday boys eat for free". You steal all the toilet paper, printer paper, coffee - pretty much anything that isn't nailed down - from your place of work. You insist on gas money anytime we ride in the car together, when I know for a fact you have been using the company gas card to fill your stupid PT Loser for years. You enter every contest and when you win something you instantly try to get your friends to buy the worthless shit. You still live with your parents even though you've been gainfully employed for 20 fucking years. Etc, etc...

All these reasons and more are why I no longer consider you worthy of friendship. And as soon as I can figure out how to get back all the shit you have "borrowed" and not returned over the years ( some of the shit you didn't even ask to borrow in the first place), you will be nothing more than an amusing conversation topic.

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