Why is Helium Scared of Funny Women?

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Dear Helium,
you don't actually believe that shit about women not being funny do you? I only bring it up because it's SO GLARINGLY OBVIOUS THAT YOU DO WHEN YOU PUT TOGETHER AN OPEN MIC LIST OF 25 COMICS WITH ONLY ONE BEING FEMALE. That happens all the time. So I started counting how many female comics sign up, and it varies from 1-2 in 5 comics. So I don't know why the math isn't represented on your open mic night. I sure fucking hope it's not because you hate women. Another thing I noticed, when I started thinking about how many female hosts you've had, is that it's only been 2 out of like 15 dudes. So you're doing a little better in that regard. Then again, you only used the punky lookin one for the shit gigs you didn't want to give anyone else, and the other woman is so fucking powerful that she can score guest spots in showcases across the country with no notice.
So show some balls and hire some women. Or atleast put them up on your open mics. While you're at it, can you start putting the people who are consistently funny on, instead of whatever illogical method you are currently using?
Portland is a town that wants comedy. But you are giving this city a lot of 1980's attitude. Harvey's is more progressive than you—- fucking Harvey's! Grow the fuck up. People with boobs are funny. I don't even have any, i'm not a female comic, but i am tired of seeing them get shit on.

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