You Weren't the Hero

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Wow! Did we really just watch that? I know the drunk table of greshamites cheering you on from the wine bar made you pump your fists in victory, but what you don't know is that we had just watched them snap their fingers while calling for the 'garçon' right before tossing a full glass of water on the servers POS iPad. You tried squeezing into a parking spot on Williams Friday night, while a bus and 2 lanes of traffic were behind you. You didn't have room between you and the bus, so you made everyone sit through a green light while you sat there with your blinker on instead of turning the corner and parking in one of the many available spots. When the bus honked you GOT OUT of your car to accost the driver and motioned dickishly at her to pull out into a full lane of traffic to go around you, before squeezing your shiny new car between the bus, almost hitting it, into the spot. The table of idiots next to us cheered for you loudly after yelling 'Park! Park! Park!' And you clearly felt like a hero. Don't be mistaken. You're just a dumb, entitled asshole. I wanted to slash your tires after watching you run to your car, hop in, and park around the corner because security came to investigate the drivers complaint. But you know what? I've had a long week, and I'm better than that. Nah. I didn't have a pocket knife. Instead, we fantasized about you getting a DUI on the way home, only to discover that your dinner gave you food poisoning once you were in the clink.

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