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Brainfreeze Brainstorm

Nine ways to cool off during summer's dog days

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1. Intercourse with an Eskimo. Even if it doesn't work, it can't hurt.

2. Slurpee enema.

3. Air-conditioned movie theaters; it's about nine cents a minute to stay cool--less than long distance!

4. Ice Skating--if it's good enough for Tonya it's certainly good enough for you. Kids or adults pay $7.50 for, like, four or five hours at Lloyd Center. Includes skate rental.

5. Buy one beer at a time so you can maximize your time in the cooler aisle.

6. In spite of the St. Bernard-inspired myth that a shot of schnapps will fend off frostbite, drinking alcohol actually lowers your body temp!

7. Put your clothes in the freezer.

8. Eat jalapeno peppers; hot mouth, cool bod.

9. Give 'em a reason to cap the reservoirs.

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