Ellie Goulding, St. Lucia

When: Wed., Feb. 6, 9 p.m. 2013

Ohhhh, Ellie Goulding! I have seen her hair everywhere these days, painted on buildings and in store windows. I just found out she used to date Skrillex, which makes me sooooooo happy because it makes me think maybe their haircuts were just dating and they had to play along? Like if you were a conjoined twin and your twin really fell for someone, you'd have to sit through their coffee chats and makeout sessions. That's probably what Skrillex and Goulding were doing, so you should respect them for making the sacrifice. As for her music—and it does not escape me that I spent a paragraph talking about a female musician's hair, but I'M SORRY, that's just the way this one worked out—it doesn't make me feel one single feeling. Maybe confusion. I think everyone thinks she's really smart because she has a British accent, but that's not a real thing, you guys. It just sounds like regular pop to me. ANNA MINARD

Price: $27.50-30

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