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New Column!

I'm Not The Svengali of Your Bladder!

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NEW ADVICE COLUMN!!

I'm Not The Svengali of you Bladder!
by Larry Wamsutter


Dear MR. WAMSUTTER,

I have to pee--a lot. This is especially embarassing at work. When I am in meetings, or talking with the boss, I have to excuse myself constantly. I have a performance review coming up, and I'm scared. Is there anything I can do about my excessive urination?--I Pee Freely

Hey I Pee!--How the hell should I know? I'm not the Svengali of your bladder! Jesus freakin' pancakes, why don't you go to a doctor or something? Something's freakin' wrong with you, I'll tell you that much. You stinkin' freak! Peeing all the time? Gross. You freakin' gross me out. That's a stupid question you asked me there. I don't know, or wanna know, anything about your stupid bladder. Freak off, freak.


Dear MR. WAMSUTTER,

Why does asparagus pee stink?--Curious

Hey Curious--First off, asparagus don't pee, freak. Second of all, I'm not the Svengali of your bladder!! You think I wanna follow you 'round? Smelling your pee? That's freakin' gross. Who knows what kind of freakin' crap you been eating? And who the freak eats asparagus, anyway? Listen up, freak. All pee stinks. Especially pee from a stinking freak like you. So freak you, you pee-stinking freako.


Need advice regarding urinary matters? Write "I'm Not the Svengali of Your Bladder", c/o
Portland Mercury, 1524 NW 23rd Ave, Suite 2, Portland, OR 97210

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