News » Features

How the Hell Do I Get Cut Off?

An Informational Guide

by

comment
The OLCC has a huge list of drunken characteristics that bartenders are supposed to watch for. Read it if you get a chance (it's posted above the bar at Sassy's), because it will most likely describe permanent characteristics of your lifestyle, drink or no drink. (For instance "careless with money" or "messed-up hair.") And for personnel at hipster dives like the Sandy Hut, well, they wouldn't have much clientele if they turned away people with untidy clothing or bizarre behavior. So what do you have to do to get cut off and/or thrown out of the Slut? Bartender Terry and security man Joe happily provided some suggestions of what not to do in the Northeast's favorite booze-soaked romper room.

One major no-no is invading other people's space. For instance, she nixed one guy for screeching, "BEWARE THE DEVIL WORSHIPPERS! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!" Another half-wit got the axe after referring to the female bartenders as "sweet tits" and telling them to "loosen your labias up a little bit."

But sometimes people are just plain belligerent. Like the fat guy who came in with a bottle from outside. To protest its confiscation, he decided to leap over the bar--no go. Then, on his way out the door, his sweatpants came down (no underwear) and he mooned the whole room as he tripped over his pants into a face plant.

One advantage of working in a dive bar, according to Terry, is the fact that she pretty much knows everyone, and how they behave normally, making it easy to tell when they're mondo fucked up. Often, customers are grateful, and leave big tips when they get canned. After all, it's for your own good. Take the situation in which a fine girl parks herself at the bar and after a few hours she's sticking her tongue down really gross guys' throats. In this case, Terry will cut her off just for making bad decisions.

Another bad, slutty move is making out with literally everyone you can get your hands on (but one or two people is fine). One young lady pounced on the lap of some poor slob who was waiting for his date to show up. When she arrived to find him under siege, she pulled a "you cad!"-style slap maneuver and walked. The polyamorous home-wrecker got the boot for causing breakups. In fact, the whole "hell hath no fury" act doesn't go over well at the Sandy. For example, one guy was harassing a young woman to have a toast with him, and when she refused, he dumped his beer on her head. Steeeriike!

As security guy, Joe has to deal with extracting unhappy campers, usually for fighting. However, sometimes he has to deal with more unusual situations, like the time he was tackled by two drunk girls who were trying to wrestle him out of his "Sandy Hut Security" jacket. Another occupational hazard: crackheads, who try to get through the door without ID (they don't want to have identification on them when they get hassled by the cops).

So remember what Terry says: No "being perverted, breaking, fighting, or anything messy." Keep the puke in the bathroom, tip your bartenders, and don't throw drinks at the mural--they really hate that.

Comments

Comments are closed.

Quantcast Quantcast