Columns » I, Anonymous

I, Anonymous

Ravenous

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Here's to the 20-ish-year-old boy on the bus, in nice black slacks, dress shirt, and a tie. I really enjoyed watching you eat your sandwiches today! As you began to make your homemade sandwiches, as any true sandwich artist does, you used the packets from the mayonnaise and mustard to spread the condiments around. Pretty gifted stuff, there. It wasn't enough, though, so you started using your fingers, and then added Doritos to the sandwich. Pretty ingenious, eating your snack and meal at once! I watched you take your first bite, crumbs and chips spilling on the floor. Five minutes later that sandwich was about one bite from a goner. You weren't done. You made another sandwich, this time using the Doritos crumbs as an accoutrement. Crumbs still spilling to the floor, you'd finished both sandwiches in about 10 minutes. Then an attractive woman got on the bus. I looked at her, but you, my friend, wanted to devour her. If she only knew what your mouth had just been through, I think it could've been love.—Anonymous

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