Columns » I, Anonymous

I, Anonymous

Roller Dirty


After great consideration I finally exposed myself to Portland's newest bullshit fad: roller derby. Not only was I completely appalled at the way in which these "athletes" conducted themselves, the crowd feeding off of their retarded behavior was even worse. Have we as a city regressed to such a moronic state that we are moved by such horribly simple displays of stimuli; a bunch of sluts in fishnet stockings turning left for 20 minutes? Okay, maybe it's not so bad; it gives some insecure women a place to showcase their underdeveloped athletic talents, and exploit themselves to a bunch of drunken moronic men. Their self-indulgent displays obviously demonstrate that these participants are on the fast track to pursuing a lifestyle of self-respect. Wrestling, NASCAR, and other forms of American idiocracy have gotten shit on for being breeding grounds for the absurd and ignorant. I think it's time that roller derby is given its proper position next to America's other moronic sports. Instead of being embraced as an opportunity for female empowerment and liberation, it should be exposed as the event it truly is: one of exploitation and utter stupidity.—Anonymous


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