Columns » I, Anonymous

I, Anonymous

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The Untied States

Dear Bin Laden: I'm sorry. You were right. After the election, wellÉ what can I say? We as a nation obviously ARE a bunch of mindless sheep, grown fat with consumerism and easily led down the primrose path into corruption. After 60% of eligible voters turned out and 51% of those voted for Bush, I can't do anything but concede your point: there are no innocents left in America.

All I ask is this: give New York a break, okay? And leave New England, California, and the rest of the West Coast out of it as well. We're on your side already! Please, stay focused and plan your next attack against the real enemy: those "red states" in the middle of the map.

Fly a Cessna into the stands of a Nascar Rally. Put a suicide bomber on the arch in St. Louis. Drive a truck-bomb into the Grand Ole Opry. Release anthrax at an Astros game. It's all good! I see your point--I'm with you now. They've got it coming. I'm just sorry it took me so long to figure out how very right you were. Can you ever forgive me?--Anonymous

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