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I, Anonymous

Mother of the Year

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Dear mom who took me to Sassy's—I wanted to thank you. Thank you for being at Mary's Club, and convincing me and my friends to go to Sassy's with you and yours. Thank you for taking your two gay male friends to strip clubs. Thank you for getting us high outside of Sassy's. Thank you for buying us all our drinks all night. Thank you for hitting on men at the strip club. Thank you for buying lap dances. Thank you for getting lap dances. Thank you for buying rounds of Jäger shots. Thank you for having awesome cleavage. Thank you for almost taking home a guy at the strip club. Thank you for being married. Thank you for having two kids. Thank you for being a chemistry professor. Thank you for offering us lines of coke when we said we were tired. Thank you for being the only other woman there besides the strippers and me. Thank you for being twice my age. Thank you for hanging out with three college kids. Thank you for being the coolest mom ever.—Anonymous

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