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I, Anonymous

Tooth and Decency


Did you learn it watching Portlandia, or did you bring it from whatever inbred hick Midwestern town you were born in? I'm talking about flossing your teeth in public. You sat at the bar in a hipster place, brought out your little box of waxed thread, and proceeded to clean your teeth and gums while chatting with your friend and the bartender. After you were done, I watched you attempt to discreetly wipe away the bits of food and blobs of spit that had landed on the bar in front of you. I thought the display of inappropriate grooming was over, but no—your friend then proceeded to repeat your display, like some sort of tag-team dental hygienists. I'm sorry the bartender didn't toss you and your bloody-gummed friend out, but it was apparent he was chatting you up and was too toothless to assert any sort of health code rules, even when you set your box of floss on the bar while you dislodged the last of the food debris jammed between your molars.—Anonymous

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