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I, Anonymous

World Naked Bike Deride

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Dear friend who keeps on smugly reminding me how much fun you had at the naked bike ride: Please stop asking me why I didn't go. First of all, you live less than three miles from work, yet you get in your car every day to get there. You now consider yourself a bicycle activist? Are you kidding me?! You are nothing more than an attention-seeking, pitiful narcissist. Let me remind you that the few times I offered to take you on rides, I've had to wait for your lazy ass to catch up. If I have to hear that story about that guy whistling at you and complimenting your tits one more time... the people who watch are drunk and whistling at everyone, not just you. I don't participate because it's lazy, gross, and dangerous. You make a mockery of a real form of transportation that can change the way we live for the better. If you're going to be this self-absorbed, try not to brag about it. You're embarrassing yourself and the people you tell. We're laughing at you, not with you.—Anonymous

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