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I, Anonymous

Maker of Lies

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Listen, I appreciate the gesture. I really do. But every year I end up with a ton of "homemade" gifts. And I fucking can't stand them. Any knitted scarves or hats, I won't wear. They look dumb; you only wear them because they look dumb and "homey." Also I would rather not eat jellies and other preserves made in your kitchen. I know you, and you are a slob. And you can keep your infused boozes for yourself. I have enough of a headache pretending to be excited when you give me this crap. Because when you give them to me I have to create this entire story of liking them or why I'm not wearing them. This crap is forcing me to lie. So unless you can whip up a copy of Black Ops or a sweet digital camera or something, go ahead and just wish me a happy holidays. Save us both the trouble.—Anonymous

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