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I'm Staying Home

Plan of Inaction



BATTLESTAR GALACTICA: THE PLAN is sci-fi breakup sex. But in order to have broken up, there must've been a relationship first, so I'm gonna skip the "If you haven't heard of Battlestar Galactica before..." part of the review. You saw the show. You had the relationship. And when it ended, you either thought showrunner Ronald D. Moore kissed you gently on your tear-stained cheek before running off with that slut Caprica, or you thought he cackled like Begbie in Trainspotting, booted you in the genitals, and shoved a broken bottle through your chest.

Directed by Adama himself (Edward James Olmos) and written by Jane Espenson (Joss Whedon's manly side), The Plan is a beautifully shot, nicely paced, interesting, and totally unnecessary TV movie. It ostensibly details the ominous "plan" that Battlestar's opening credits insisted the Cylons had—unfortunately, and as was made obvious by the ending of the series, there never really was a plan to begin with. So Espenson fills out The Plan with a patchwork story that retells the first couple of seasons of the show from the point of view of John Cavil (Dean Stockwell).

The "interesting" part I mentioned earlier largely comes from seeing the full-scale assault on all the colonies when the Cylons attack humanity. It's also cool to see Samuel Anders (Michael Trucco) progress from meathead jock to guerrilla warrior, and to realize that the Cylons' inability to step on the neck of humanity apparently stems from the fact that humanity is just so damn cute.

Or, at least, that stuff is interesting the first time we see it: In the padded-out The Plan, we see the following repeated no less than five times: Cylon is ordered by Cavil to kill humans. Cylon gets emotionally involved. Cylon falls in love. Cylon botches plan. Cavil grumbles. The Plan sheds some light on some obscure plot machinations, but none of it's new: All of this has happened before, all of it will happen again, and it'll be intercut with new footage from older, tubbier cast members hoping the lighting will cover up that extra chin.

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