Whereas the PORTLAND MERCURY intends to be a newspaper which holds dear the principles of journalistic integrity and cultural literacy above all else; and,
Whereas the PORTLAND MERCURY is a publication of historical significance, first published in 1869 (before police shut it down) and again in 1931 (before lapsing into bankruptcy); and,
Whereas the PORTLAND MERCURY intends to shine its beacon of truth and justice into the darkest corners of Oregon, thereby illuminating their readership to the myriad of music, film, and art events in our area; and,
Whereas the PORTLAND MERCURY compensates for its meager size with a heart as big as our beautiful state of Oregon; and,
Whereas today, June 1, 2000, marks the auspicious debut of the PORTLAND MERCURY, a day in which the population of YOUR TOWN'S NAME HERE shall always remember as a bright, shining moment in newspaper history;
I, YOUR MAYOR'S NAME HERE, hereby proclaim June 1, 2000 to be a day of city-wide joy and celebration in honor of the PORTLAND MERCURY.
WE CONSIDER THIS A REASONABLE REQUEST. APPARENTLY, THE VARIOUS MAYORS IN OUR region do not agree, and here are some of their responses.
Dear Mr. Humphrey,
While we appreciate your interest in our office proclaiming June 1 "Portland Mercury Day" in Gresham, our office is unable to grant your request at this time. We do, however, wish you the best of luck with your publication, and all your future endeavors.
Mayor Charles Becker
MAYBE NEXT YEAR
Due to the overwhelming amount of inquiries we receive on a daily basis, we are unable to respond to every request. If you're concerned about ground water poisoning, please call the Water/Sewer/Storm Drain Information Line at 503-657-8151. If you are considering construction or digging on your property, call our Public Works department at 503-657-0241. To report a lost or feral animal, call Clackamas County Animal Control at 503-655-8628.
SAYS NO WAY-GO
According to our records, the name Portland Mercury is registered by City of Roses Newspaper Company. All requests for proclamations must come from the original registrant. If your company is a subsidiary of City of Roses, then your request must be resubmitted by your parent company.
Office of Mayor Bill Klammer
WILLING TO RECONSIDER
To: the Portland Merury (sic)
We regret to inform you that we cannot sponsor any organization or events that are currently inactive.
Thank you and good luck with your event.
Mayor Rob Drake's Office
(And Mayor Vera Katz' office didn't even write us back. Jerks.)
Don't be a Vera Katz! We'd love to hear what you think about the Portland Mercury. Send your thoughts to: Letters c/o Portland Mercury, 1524 NW 23rd Ave., Suite 2, Portland, 97210. You can also fax us at: 294-0844, or email us at: