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Picky Choosy

Food Fight! Discriminates in the Best Way

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Recently at Powell's, I found a vegan feminist cookbook from the '70s--totally awesome, but totally wonkalicious in its execution, juxtaposed by dainty illustrations of lavender and thyme and ovaries and fallopian tubes. Call me a child of the Millennium and/or Adbusters, but those drawings were a total turn-off. I like things to look design-y or abstracted; not make me feel like I'm going to smudge my house with sage while fully rocking Joni Mitchell.

Apparently, neither do grocery stores. According to Chad Miller, co-owner of Food Fight! Vegan Grocery, most grocery stores won't carry Heartline Meatless Meat because, even though it is a delicious meat substitute, the packaging sucks--bad font, boring picture of meal, nondescript colors. Though Food Fight! is a visually pleasing environment, with its brightly colored paint and organized, airy aisles, they aren't discriminating about packaging. Yet, fortunately for the vegans and vegetarians, they are incredibly discriminating about content.

The grocery, which is also owned by Emiko Badillo, carries only vegan foods (and whenever possible, they know where the sugar comes from). Currently, they stock items such as Tofurkey Kielbasa, Vegan Fungus in Gluten Sauce, Pirate Booty, imported vegan digestives, and an assortment of health-, earth-, and animal-conscious household goods, like cleaning supplies. They also carry a carrot-based juice drink from Poland called Kubus', which Miller jokes is "the new PBR."

While some Food Fight! products are also available at other area groceries, i.e. the Tofurkey line, Miller and Badillo carry a small yet awesome selection of frozen faux meats--fake fish, vegan tempura, etc. --some of which I haven't seen anywhere else, even at Uwajimaya, my usual fake-meat dealer. For instance, I bought some Vegetarian Plus brand "Vege Crab Tube," a package of fake crab legs that's creepily accurate. Also, they sell "Handi Pies," basically wheat-free pot-pies in flavors like Tennessee BBQ and Indian Curry, which take like 12 minutes to cook.

And, while it's nice to know where to get vegan boullion and Stonewall's Jerquee in one stop, I'm going to cut the shit and get to the realness: Euro. Skittles.

Yes, Skittles are an off-limit treat for the vegans, as they contain gelatin (derived from animal protein in a really gross way I don't want to get into). But the advanced Europeans don't put gelatin in their Skittles. In addition, Food Fight! remains one of the only outlets in town where you can purchase the FreeZees Nutcreem Vegan Sweedee Pie in Crispee Pecan, aka THE GREATEST NON-DAIRY FROZEN DESSERT OF ALL TIME. This, and if you order a pair of vegan shoes from NYC store Moo Shoes through Food Fight!, you don't have to pay shipping. AND, more importantly, they carry VEGAN CONDOMS, so you don't even have to feel bad about killing lambs just so you can freak it with your lover. With Food Fight!, you can be a discriminating eater, but you don't have to subscribe to a monastic lifestyle. And that's just how I like it.

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