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PORTLAND MERCURY HOLIDAY GUIDE TO GIFTS

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IN THE ROMANTIC LAND of television commercials, holiday shopping is a cheerful and simple activity that uplifts the spirit and warms the cockles. However, nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, shopping for loved ones is more akin to having one's scalp burned off with a blowtorch. Holiday shopping is truly one of the most horrible, pain-filled experiences of life, and should be treated as such. To complete such a monumental and excruciating task, one needs the assistance of experts--experts like the Mercury's team of crack columnists. Each of our columnists is a specialist in their assigned area, and are able to offer helpful gift suggestions that will deliver you through this shopping season with only a modicum of mental trauma. So read on and rest easy. Put yourself in our capable hands, because when it comes to gift-giving expertise and holiday cheer, the Mercury is full of it.

  • GIFTS FOR THE SERATONIN-INHIBITED
    by the author of the popular Mercury column, Bass Fishing With Napalm,
    Mykle Hansen
  • GIFTS FOR THE SCIENTIST IN YOUR LIFE
    by the author of the popular Mercury column, It Sure is a Scientific World! It Sure is a Scientific World!,
    John Dooley
  • GIFTS FOR HORNY BOYS (& GIRLS)
    by the author of the popular Mercury column, Dating Tips for Horny Boys,
  • GIFTS FOR NEWSMAKERS
    by the author of the popular Mercury column, One Day at a Time,
    Ann Romano
  • GIFTS FOR THE TELEVISION-LOVING GEEK
    by the author of the popular Mercury column, I Love Television
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