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Self-Hell

Analysis for People on the Go

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How's Your Mental State? Fine, I hope!

Eight months of constant cloud cover and interminable drizzle can have devastating affects on fragile minds. Now that the rainy season is coming to a close, it is very important that Portlander's take time to make a mental check of their facilities. Curious as to whether you made it through another winter without lasting damage to your psyche? Take this simple multiple-choice quiz and find out! Good luck!

1) I would describe the sun as:
a. The eye of Gaia, Earth Goddess and protector of all living things.
b. Super bright and fun!
c. Okay, I guess.
d. The source of 240,000 melanoma deaths per year.

2) If I were an animal, I'd be a:
a. Unicorn.
b. A kitty cat!
c. A human being.
d. A pit bull.

3) The last outdoor activity I participated in was:
a. A 32-mile jog, followed by a four-hour game of Ultimate Frisbee.
b. Washing and detailing 42 cars for charity!
c. Walking to my car.
d. I can't remember.

4) When salespeople tell me to "Have a nice day!" I say:
a. "Right ON. You ROCK! Thanks for EVERYTHING!"
b. "Thanks. CUTE earrings!"
c. Nothing.
d. "Too late."

5) This summer I am planning on:
a. Painting my house by hand, building a retaining wall, and founding a book club.
b. Laying out!
c. Sometimes wearing shorts.
d. Borrowing money for drugs.

Give yourself 1 point for every a. answer, 2 points for every b. answer, 3 points for every c. answer, and 4 points for every d. answer.

Now add up your points. Diagnoses are as follows:
1 - 7 pts: MANICALLY HIGH and heading for a meltdown
8 - 12 pts: PERKY and annoying, but probably sane
13 - 17 pts: TOTALLY AVERAGE
18 - 20 pts: DEPRESSED and in dire need of medication.

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