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THE ANTI-CONSUMER

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The first way to topple our capitalist society is to disrupt the flow of goods and services to the marketplace. Second... godammit, despite the impending revolution, you still have to get a Christmas presents for your loved one. Don't fret, my young Zapatista, let the Mercury help!

Adbusters

A great magazine that is advertisement free and chock full of tidbits about suppressing imperialism, subverting consumerism, exposing corporate media lies, creating and promoting Buy Nothing Day (Nov. 29), and taking direct action in your community. Recruit your buddies to the cause, or at least make them aware that the cause exists.

$40 for 10 issues,

www.adbusters.org

Urine TherapyHealth insurance is a rare commodity in Portland these days, and few have the resources to pay for medical bills out of pocket. If your loved one has a medical condition that they just can't kick, then it might be time to suggest Urine Therapy. Though drinking urine may sound distasteful and even dangerous, studies show that urine is sterile, and loaded with vitamins and minerals, which help the body fight ailments ranging from allergies to arthritis! Plus, it doesn't cost a single penny! This Christmas, tell your sickly friend about Urine Therapy, and give them the gift that keeps on giving: their own pee.

Urine, free, retrieved from your penis or vagina (for instructions, purchase Golden Fountain: The Complete Guide to Urine Therapy, by Coen Van Der Kroon, amazon.com, $10.47)

Slingshot Organizer

When you give the gift of the Slingshot Organizer, a teeny tiny organizer hand-drawn by the Slingshot Collective, you give the gift of knowledge. With a daily historical anecdote, your loved one will be reminded of which democratically elected government was overthrown by CIA operatives, how many people were massacred in a people's uprising, or even whether Critical Mass is happening. All this, and a recipe for vegan chocolate cake!

Slingshot Organizer, $5-6, available at Reading Frenzy or online at slingshot.tao.ca

Panty Hose

Steal a pair from your mom or girlfriend, hand one leg to a friend as if to say, "Let's rob a convenient store this holiday season." By using a fake weapon, you avoid serious jail time while saying "fuck you" to the corporate machine. Plus you've got a great dinner-table story.

Panty Hose, dresser drawer, free

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