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THE HIPPIE REPORT

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S.E. Portland, OR- Two hippies were injured today in a drumming accident at the corner of SE 37th and Hawthorne. Witnesses say the drums ignited suddenly, temporarily lighting Eugene residents Clearwater Ocean and Summer Rain on fire. The flames were quickly doused with organic apple juice from a nearby container. An E.M.T. at the scene said the hippies had been very lucky as "Indian print cloth usuallly tends to burn like a motherfucker."

Similar drumming incidents in the Bay Area, Sedona, and Madison have prompted the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) to ask the drum manufacturer, ThumpOnIt™ (owned by Nike, and assembled by disadvantaged workers from Bengali) to consider a national recall.

This is the first drumming accident in Portland since 1982, when 35 hippies were injured after a "Drum Circle for Peace" event got out of control at the Saturday Market. The hippie community, pledging to take action following this latest incident, formed a safety task force and consumer watch group to monitor drum manufacturers and ensure all drums are rigorously tested (in addition to their demand that marijuana be immediately legalized).

Within hours of the incident, over two hundred hippies and hippie supporters gathered in the parking lot of Emmanuel Hospital, where Ocean and Rain are recovering. Supporters sang songs, drummed, and protested the WTO.

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