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Why I Should be Queen

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(Broad opening statement) I'm a broad. (Thesis statement) I deserve to be Queen of Mercury High. (Supporting statements) During my 23 years, I have never experienced the rapt pleasure of riding in a cop car, pulling someone's underwear over their head, farting during the lowering of a casket, or having intern-al sex with a politician. And as a flexible, long-limbed Asian, it is this city's duty to choose a person of color so that reverse discrimination can occur at the highest ranks of society. (Concluding statement) Therefore, I deserve to be Queen of Mercury High because I can lick any son of a bitch in the house.

VOTE APRIL SHUNN FOR QUEEN!

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